DAY FIVE: CREATE FANTASTIC RELATIONSHIPS

Many people would like to improve the quality of their relationships. Whether it is with a family member or your partner having well functioning relationships is essential to living a healthy life. It is also important to have well functioning relationships in business as well. Being able to relate with your colleagues, boss or employees is vital for the success of your career. One of NLP’s greatest strengths is in improving the quality of relationships and communication between people.

One of the first things that you need to understand is that you are responsible for one hundred percent of the communication that takes place between you and another person. An important principle in NLP is that the meaning of communication is the response it elicits It doesn’t matter what you intend when you communicate with someone. It only matters how it is received. The response that you receive from your communication is its meaning.

As the communicator the responsibility of relaying your message is on you not the receiver. For example you maybe a very physical person and you wish to express your love to someone else, to do so you give them a hug. To a person who doesn’t like physical contact this may not communicate a sense of love but perhaps a sense of uncomfortableness or impropriety. You cannot just say that it is their problem; that they have issues and should be more open to physical contact. The responsibility is on you to communicate your love in a way that they are open too

How do you know the right way to communicate? First think about your outcome. What is it that you want to achieve? From this starting position work out a plan to effectively relay your message so that this outcome is achieved.

Next if what you are doing isn’t working do something different. This may seem obvious but so many people aren’t successful in their approach. They realise that it is not working but they keep on doing it. Look at many people’s relationships. Couples will argue constantly. They are obviously not getting the results that they would like, in this case a happy relationship. But they still continue to communicate the same way towards their partner. Realise this; it is a lot easier to change your own behaviour than it is to change someone else’s. If your first attempt at communication is unsuccessful then try a different way of communicating. How many times should you change your approach? As many times as it takes to achieve your outcome.

Another key to using NLP to improve your relationships is to understand that you can’t not communicate. Even if you said nothing you will still be communicating. If you are angry with someone but you refrain from shouting your body language will still give you away. The way you hold yourself, your posture, and the tone of your voice tells people a lot more than the actual words that you use. Verbal communication is as little as 7% of the message that you convey.